Thursday, 26 April 2012

A day in the life of a sound engineer...Those poor bastards!


'You've only got 4 mics, oh dear, we really wanted the whole kit mic'd up. We're a metal band. We like our sound fucking huge!'

'Can you turn the keyboards up, no down a bit, up a bit more, and a little bit...a little less.... It’s just not quite there yet...'

'We need 4 DI's, 6 vocals, oh shit sorry, and we've forgotten to bring the kit!'

'We haven't got any back line, any chance of using yours?'

'Oh sorry, thought that kick drum mic was ours, we'll bring it back next week.'

'We've got a mate who's a sound engineer who's happy to do the sound for us and use your desk. Even though he's never seen a desk like yours, he'll pick it up in no time. Press a few buttons, yank a few leads out...piss easy!' 

'Who are they? What, those 4 blokes behind the desk? Oh them,! ...Yeah they're all helping with the sound. They're monitoring a channel each!'

'If we can't put our drinks on the lighting desk or the mixing desk, where can we put them?'

'We thought the gaffer tape on the walls looked rather nice, actually.'

'God, can you turn the lights off please? Anyone would think we'd want to be seen on stage...'

'Oh that under age lot over there, they're alright to be in here for sound check ain’t they? They'll be gone by the time the gig starts...'

'Yeah a mate of mine will be at the door. Don't worry, they'll totally keep to the 200 capacity rule...'Er, it's actually 100 people'....'oh right, 100, yeah, yeah. No worries mate, it's all cool! Chill!'

'Can you get the vocal up any louder? What, you want us to turn our back line down?'

'Don't you worry; we'll definitely be off by 1:00AM!' (Live music is meant to stop around 11.)

'Oh, those cans over there? The ones my band mates and me have been drinking? Despite the fact you sell booze....'


  1. And what about the hand actions from the stage - Does that flapping hand mean more/less/up/down?