“What’s the matter Lager boy, afraid you might taste something?”
I’m sure I’m not the only one that has contemplated this, but my first initial thoughts on Hobgoblin and Green Goblin, were that the two drinks must come from the same company. How could they not be with the word goblin at the end of their title? But I was wrong, they don’t come from the same company, or at least they didn’t originally. Hobgoblin is brewed in Wythchwood Brewery and Green Goblin produced at Thatchers cider. Strange that! (Wychwood brewery have now bought Green Goblin, so they too can sell it under their name!)
I always imagined Hobgoblin to be the older goblin out of the two goblin drinks. It’s probably because our humdrum regular will without fail, every day of the week, drink Hobgoblin, and he’s rather old. I’ve noticed punters slightly younger tend to order Green Goblin. Hence it makes sense in my head to picture the Green Goblin as a slightly mature Steve McQueen character, with the additional massive honker and raiser sharp ears. Let’s say for the sake of an interesting story Hobgoblin is Green Goblin’s father. In my head Hobgoblin’s knocking on 68 odd, he’s got a limp beard, the massive beer gut and a miserable expression on his old leather face. Green Goblin is around 45. Handsome fella is he. Done well in his life, got a nice motor, big house. He’s pretty healthy in general. And then comes The-Scene-Goblin. Green Goblin’s son. (Hobgoblin’s grandson) This drink has yet to be released. It’d probably come in the form of a shot, a fucking strong one. Like Absinth but vintage!
Picture The-Scene-Goblin as a young, sophisticated dandy boy! Sharp dresser, pristine hair, and one hell of a muzzle. And he is 'thee' goblin of the town. All the Gobleneters (female goblins) fancy him when they see him out dancing in Goblin casino. The place where they play the finest soul tunes known to goblin kind.
The shot costs around 4 quid. Worth every penny!
Then comes the ever so sweet Honey Goblin, the innocent maid that cleans the goblin house Mon-Sat. She gets Sunday’s off to visit her family up in Goblin City. This drink could be more of a fruity sparkling water. Comes in different flavours. It’s like your average mineral water, but like all goblin drinks, has a bit of booze added to the concoction. For this case it’ll be vodka.
What Hobgoblin and Green Goblin don’t know, is that The-Scene-Goblin and Honey Goblin are in fact oogly- wooglying ...Like a pair of rabbits, they are! The results of this hubba-wubba was twin goblins which as a drink would come in a form of a 75cl bottle of two-tone piquant chilli wine. Bit pricey but bloody tasty!
The Goblin tree really could be endless. Yet for some reason they’ve stopped at just Hobgoblin and Green Goblin…. You can bet if they release anymore goblin wonders, we’ll be selling ‘em here! Until then, I raise my glass to the two existing goblin beverages and the faithful punters that drink them!
P:S- Since writing this nonsense, I’ve actually learnt that Hobgoblin was in fact created first. That would make Hobgoblin the son of Green Goblin, and not the other way round...