Thursday, 5 May 2011

SOUTHEND- A bloody marvelous seaside town!

Another bit on Southend's history that I learnt about the other day, was that our pier (the longest one in the world) not only had a bowling alley, a pavilion and a pub at one point in time upon it, but It's actually been destroyed on 5 separate occasions. 4 fires and a collision with a tanker.


Although I have a keen interest in Southend's history, I do often find it mocks me, for I can only visualize images in my head from the wonderful tales told to me by family and older mates about what used to go on in this lovely town. And when I see it in my mind, it all looks so good..The Kursaal, the gigs, the cinemas. In all honesty, there's not much about Southend at this precise moment that I feel competes with its history. Maybe I’m wrong, but I very much doubt it. What d'ya reckon?

For all of today's young people, here are a few facts about Southend you may or may not have known.


               We had an Astoria!                                                               
The Beatles played here!

Feelgood started off in good old Canvey Island!

 (Not quite Southend, but near enough!)

 We had a pukka bandstand! 

 We had the shop Nasty (was right opposite the railway!)

And what have we got to offer the next generation of Southenders?..

5 Tesco’s stores
1 very crap Odeon
A bunch of takeaway restaurants
Random useless poles on the Seafront
Way too many pound stores!

There's no comparison really, is there?

The only thing that puts a real smile on my face and makes me proud to be a Southender (almost put Southbender then..), is knowing we have the biggest fuck off pier in the whole world. Bigger than Brighton, Blackpool (central pier) and Clevodon! Who'd have thought shitty, chavvy Southend would be number 1 on the pier list.
And with that I think it's time to unveil the point to this  schnizzle dribble...

This summer, we are putting together what we hope to be in the future, The Southend Pier Festival. With 2 stages and possibly a bar selling booze and food, it'll be a wicked afternoon of live music and a day to get a seaside tan!
Bring your cameras and your beach bags cos we're goin to the Pier! Aug 13th! 

Monday, 2 May 2011

The Goblin family

           “What’s the matter Lager boy, afraid you might taste something?”

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has contemplated this, but my first initial thoughts on Hobgoblin and Green Goblin, were that the two drinks must come from the same company. How could they not be with the word goblin at the end of their title? But I was wrong, they don’t come from the same company, or at least they didn’t originally. Hobgoblin is brewed in Wythchwood Brewery and Green Goblin produced at Thatchers cider. Strange that! (Wychwood brewery have now bought Green Goblin, so they too can sell it under their name!)

I always imagined Hobgoblin to be the older goblin out of the two goblin drinks. It’s probably because our humdrum regular will without fail, every day of the week, drink Hobgoblin, and he’s rather old. I’ve noticed punters slightly younger tend to order Green Goblin. Hence it makes sense in my head to picture the Green Goblin as a slightly mature Steve McQueen character, with the additional massive honker and raiser sharp ears. Let’s say for the sake of an interesting story Hobgoblin is Green Goblin’s father. In my head Hobgoblin’s knocking on 68 odd, he’s got a limp beard, the massive beer gut and a miserable expression on his old leather face. Green Goblin is around 45. Handsome fella is he. Done well in his life, got a nice motor, big house. He’s pretty healthy in general. And then comes The-Scene-Goblin. Green Goblin’s son. (Hobgoblin’s grandson) This drink has yet to be released. It’d probably come in the form of a shot, a fucking strong one. Like Absinth but vintage!
Picture The-Scene-Goblin as a young, sophisticated dandy boy! Sharp dresser, pristine hair, and one hell of a muzzle. And he is 'thee' goblin of the town. All the Gobleneters (female goblins) fancy him when they see him out dancing in Goblin casino. The place where they play the finest soul tunes known to goblin kind.
The shot costs around 4 quid. Worth every penny!

Then comes the ever so sweet Honey Goblin, the innocent maid that cleans the goblin house Mon-Sat. She gets Sunday’s off to visit her family up in Goblin City. This drink could be more of a fruity sparkling water. Comes in different flavours. It’s like your average mineral water, but like all goblin drinks, has a bit of booze added to the concoction. For this case it’ll be vodka.
What Hobgoblin and Green Goblin don’t know, is that The-Scene-Goblin and Honey Goblin are in fact oogly- wooglying ...Like a pair of rabbits, they are! The results of this hubba-wubba was twin goblins which as a drink would come in a form of a 75cl bottle of two-tone piquant chilli wine. Bit pricey but bloody tasty!

The Goblin tree really could be endless. Yet for some reason they’ve stopped at just Hobgoblin and Green Goblin…. You can bet if they release anymore goblin wonders, we’ll be selling ‘em here! Until then, I raise my glass to the two existing goblin beverages and the faithful punters that drink them!

P:S- Since writing this nonsense, I’ve actually learnt that Hobgoblin was in fact created first. That would make Hobgoblin the son of Green Goblin, and not the other way round...